i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
