it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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