o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
