the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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