i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he fucked my hip out of place.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
