you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
