Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
