I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
