we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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