Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
