So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Too much gin, very little bucket
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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