she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
