just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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