I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
