Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
