You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
