Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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