if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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