Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
