I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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