Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
