It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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