I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
