My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
