Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She said her name was "party"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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