i was born a porn star she said
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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