How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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