Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
