We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize