just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
