I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
