im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
