i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
