I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
