Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
