it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
