i can't believe i had my finger in that
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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