im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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