So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
