so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
