Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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