My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
