I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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