Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
