the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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