the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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