someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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