And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
