I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
