what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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