can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
