dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
