Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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