I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
