were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
