Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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