the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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