hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
