she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
