I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
