After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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