the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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