i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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