i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
