She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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