I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
