is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
