u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
