I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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