I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
