How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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