I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
