What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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