Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
