i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
